My Definition of Life

life (līf) n. That which never goes according to plan.

TRON Redux

Someone at work sent a link to this clever remake of the TRON light cycles scene in a low-tech format. The opening shot of the TRON logo is ultra-cheesy, so don’t give up on it before you get to the action. Besides that opening shot, it is very well made. Seeing this reminded me of how good the editing was in the original scene — makes me want to see the movie again.

Welcome to My Planet!

The space capsule fell out of the sky in much the same way that helium balloons don’t.

Not unexpectedly, after it landed, a door opened and a boarding ramp popped out. Just as the ramp touched ground, they strolled out, chatting amongst themselves as if it were the most mundane event, rather like office workers heading to a lunch meeting.

To my surprise, they were perhaps a wee bit thin, perhaps the slightest tad large-headed, but in the right light they could easily be mistaken as human. Certainly their proportions were not out of the norm for our kind. However, their skin was a peculiarly lustrous yellow. Imagine a skinny, bubble-headed friend with a case of radioactive jaundice. That should give you a very precise picture. Not quite the right picture, mind you, but it would be close.

Where Is The Music?

I heard a man play piano.

Didn’t miss a note,
likewise the beat.

But amongst the sound,
no music to be found.

I read a passage.

Iambic pentameter,
and clever rhymes.

But beyond each word,
no poem to be heard.

The Jaguar Incident

I got my first part-time job when I was in high school, working at McDonald’s. The owner was an often grumpy old lady. I’ll call her “Mrs. G”.

The first time I met Mrs. G, I was carrying empty boxes up from the basement storage area and collecting them at the top of the stair. She asked me what I was doing. I replied “I’m carrying boxes up from the basement…” [well, I was].

I intended to continue “…so I can take them out to the trash.” but she interrupted angrily “I CAN SEE THAT!” and told me to carry the boxes out immediately.

Somehow, despite that splendid first impression, Mrs. G eventually took a bit of a liking to me [which I'll humbly chalk up to my innate charisma]. One day, when she was in a better mood, she handed me a wrapped package and asked “John, can you put this in my car trunk for me?”

The unknowable [a summary]

This is a summary that I intend to expand upon in a future post. Sorry if it is not clear as-is.

• There is some knowledge which is entirely unknowable. No endeavor, not science, nor mathematics, nor philosophy can ever attain an understanding of the unknowable.
• We must take care to distinguish between the unknown and the unknowable. There are things which are unknown due to current circumstance, but it appears that they could be known if circumstances change. The unknowable isn’t possible for us to ascertain, no matter our circumstances, and no matter how smart we become.
• Possibly the closest we can get to understanding the unknowable is to try to comprehend a thing that is simultaneously itself and its opposite, e.g., try to comprehend what it is to be simultaneously hot and cold, or better, to simultaneously exist and not exist.
• I believe that there already exists a single, short English word for “the unknowable”, but it has not been recognized as such (at least not widely).

Why Do They Say People From Los Angeles Are Crazy?

OK, so in our downtown areas, there are some really freaky-strange people wandering the streets, lecturing passing cars and whatnot, but it’s not like that throughout the entire city and suburbs…

Besides, other cities have their share of loons, too. So why single out LA?

Then again, there are things that happen when you’ve lived here a while…

One time, I was at a Winchell’s Donuts in my neighborhood. Another customer started a conversation by asking me a couple of fairly normal questions like “Isn’t the weather nice today?” and “Do you like donuts? I do!”. The conversation was getting off to a pleasant (if uninspired) start…

But then (apparently unwilling to continue mundane chit-chat) he sticks his hand inside his jacket, and with a maniacal grin says:

“I’ve got a gun…I’ll blow the cashier’s brains out if you want.”

I have to give the guy credit for originality…That’s a line I’ve neither heard before nor since. (No…really…odd as it may seem…I haven’t).

And, I mean, how are you supposed to reply to a question like that?

Maybe “No, thank you…That’s not necessary…But really…Thanks for offering…It’s very thoughtful of you…Perhaps next time…”

But, that wouldn’t quite be clever enough for me–ohhh no, not me…

So instead, I replied with the rushed yet very witty “NO!!! I-mean-uh-that’s-okay-ee!” and in a final flash of inventiveness, I forced a grin approximating a painful grimace of indigestion, excused myself, and scuttled out the door…

Invisible Wall

Transparent beyond glass,
impenetrable as steel,
a wall separates
you and me.

Your lips sing
a wordless nothing I hear.

Grope for a door…
a breach…
a passage…

How did they get through?

=======

Aeons hence,
stars fade.
There is no more you,
nor no more me.

And still there is no us.

But for eternity there remains

============= A WALL =============

Rainy Day Conversation Might Have Been

[Enter Starbucks as I fold my umbrella coming out of the rain.]

Me: Wow! I wasn’t expecting rain today! I really should start paying attention to the weather reports.

Barista: Is that true?

Me: Huh? Is what true?

Barista: You sure you weren’t expecting rain?

Me: No, I wasn’t…umm…Why do you ask?

Barista: You remembered to bring your umbrella!

Me: Oh, yes…I see…So it does appear I was expecting rain…[thoughtful pause]…Or perhaps, just perhaps, I have a nasty habit of not expecting rain when I should and keep an umbrella at my desk for the off chance that it does…[more thought]…Well perhaps, anyway…

Nuts!

If he’s a nut
and she’s a nut,
I’ll tell you what, what, what!

It’s worth revealing
a little feeling
in my gut, gut, gut.

That I’m a nut,
and you’re a nut,
we’re all a nut, nut, nut!

It makes you stew
and that’s why you
reply “Tut, tut, tut!

Must I remind
you how unkind
to call us nut, nut, nut?!”

“What, what, what?”

Tut, tut, tut!

“But…but…but!”

Perhaps you jest
to think it best
my mouth to shut, shut, shut.

What a hoot!
A silent mute’s
the perfect nut, nut, nut!